absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
