yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
