doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
