forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
