Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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