i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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