I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
