ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
