My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
