And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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