Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
