Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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