when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's get the cat blown out
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