if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize