All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
