i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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