So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.