just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots