He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies