I've blown a few things in my day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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