I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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