My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.