I wanna bring you to show and tell
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
