Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
