Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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