Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
