So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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