my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
