You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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