I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
