I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
