Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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