Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
