you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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