I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
