Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
only you would photoshop your dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
