It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize