my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you made out with another girl for some wings
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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