we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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