Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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