yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
