You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
