Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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