Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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