scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
