Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize