I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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