I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize