I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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