You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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