the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
