Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize