I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize