I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
