What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think i have two assholes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My day in three words: secret purse cake
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
