I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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