it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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