I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I looked at my own cervix.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
