I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
