After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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