If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize