Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
