Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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