cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
