You just made me feel so damn special
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
